5 Simple Steps To Win Her Back
Arguments are one of the things that are and will be consistently present in any relationship. Think of it: we fight with our friends, our parents, our siblings, we even fight random strangers in a bar (not as often, I hope!). Arguments are normal. But, what happens after an argument should always be reconciliation, no matter how small or big the fight was. How about how to win a girl?
Trying to win your girl back after an argument is no easy task. Both parties should be open to trying to be better and trying to fix whatever was broken. But, someone has to let up and be the first person to try and communicate. If you’re the one who’s in the wrong, it’s best that you make the first move in trying to diffuse the situation.
Here are five steps on how to win a girl back.
Understand why she was mad in the first place
In trying to fully digest what happened and why things are the way they are where you stand, the best thing to do is to sit down, grab a cup of tea or any other beverage of choice, and talk about each other’s sides of the story.
There’s three sides to every story, there’s one side, there’s the other, and there’s the truth. We always want to get as close to the truth as possible, and the best way to do that is to openly communicate about what you felt or are feeling at the moment.
The best way to go about it is this: you have to ask “what’s wrong? Where did this begin?” listen to her side of the story, and don’t interject when she’s speaking. Let her speak and fully listen and understand what she’s saying. Don’t just listen to respond, listen to understand and put what she says to heart. In doing so, you’re showing that you respect that she feels hurt, that she’s opening up to the reason behind her hurt and that she’s allowing you to do something about her hurt.
Once she has finished sharing her side, it is then your turn to tell yours. This is the time for you to tell her where she went wrong, and to point out your own hurt and why you acted the way you did. Avoid being accusatory because as much as possible you both want to be on neutral ground and look at the situation in a different perspective.
Verbalize and validate her feelings
When both of you have expressed your feelings, be it of resentment, anger or whatsoever, it’s time to own up to what both of you did.
Men often disregard validating feelings because feelings are linked to femininity and unfortunately for some men, they think that validating feelings makes them less of a man. Truth is, verbalizing and validating feelings (for both sexes) make us more human. The creation and admission of mistakes and inability of being perfect is what makes us human.
In the given scenario, verbalizing her feelings means repeating what she said to you in your level of perception. For example, she said “I didn’t like it when you went home late and didn’t bother telling me about your plans. I made dinner for us and I waited for you.”
In that statement alone, she raised three points. How did you perceive this message? Tell her and apologize for the wrong doings that you did. Literally say: “I’m sorry I went home late and that I didn’t tell you ahead of my plans. I’ll make sure to tell you ahead next time. I appreciate you making dinner and you waiting for me, and I apologize for making you wait.”
By verbalizing and validating her feelings, you’re showing her that you heard her and that you want to understand her.
Show, don’t tell
Apologies have been made, and it’s evident now that you have diffused the situation, now all you have to do is to move on from it. But how?
Apologies are only as good as smoke unless actions back it up. Don’t let your apologies be empty words and promises, make sure that you actually follow through!
Let’s take the earlier example again. She didn’t appreciate that you went home late, that you didn’t tell her about your plans and that you made her wait for you at home with the dinner she made for the two of you. You said that you were sorry for all three things. Now you’re faced with the question of how will you make it better?
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You have to go back to the things she didn’t appreciate you doing, and then from there, pinpoint what you can do to avoid being in that situation again.
For the example given, the best way to show that you are sorry is to go home on time, to tell your girl about your plans ahead of time, and not to let her wait. Thing is, if you told her ahead of time that you would be coming home late, she wouldn’t have cooked dinner and waited for you at all and would have just gone about her own evening, doing things for herself.
It is also important to keep things consistent when you do try to be better. Don’t just be better for a few days or weeks and then make the same mistake all over again. You wouldn’t be showing that you’re sorry at all, you’d be showing how little you care for her feelings. And to be frank, that would just be manipulative (dangling what she wants above her head only to snatch it away as you please)
Another way of showing her how sorry you are is to shower her with little (or grand!) apology gifts.
In order to do so, you have to know her love language. There are five love languages: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. With the amount of time you’ve spent with her, it would be easy to pinpoint what kind of love language she has and will appreciate.
If she is a words of affirmation kind of girl, write her love letters or little notes and stick them around your house or her place. Write sweet sentiments to her and that will surely make her fall head over heels for you again.
If she’s a quality time type of girl, break out the board games, light scented candles and put your phones away because giving her your undivided attention is what she wants and needs from you.
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If your girl loves receiving gifts, then splash a couple of bucks on your lady! Get her a nice purse or new shoes to strut on. Just think of whatever things she appreciates and fully enjoys and give it to her.
If your lady loves acts of service, the best thing you can do for her is to cross off a few of her chores from her list. Scrub the bathroom clean, load the dishwasher, put back the laundry. Maybe even break out the lawn mower and get your yard looking extra tidy for her.
And lastly, if your girl’s language is physical touch, cuddle up to her on the sofa or in bed. Bust out the warmest blankets you have and get ready for a full day of touchy-feely goodness with her.
Apology gifts are something that is supplemental to an apology and the actions you have to do to show how sorry you are. Don’t skip all the other steps and go straight to giving her gifts. She’s your lady, not a paid hooker!
Make up sex
No matter what love language, no matter how big or how small your fuck up was, always end an argument with make up sex.
Nothing like ending a frustrating night with a big bang (pun intended). This is definitely something you both could do and appreciate! Don’t forget to glove up before doing so! And make things more exciting by incorporating fun toys like vibrators and anal beads. If you’re feeling frisky, you might want to be tied up and let your girl have your way with you.
Have fun making up with each other.