She Takes Hours to Text Back – What Should I do?
Last summer, I was talking to this guy I met on Tinder. Things were going really well. He was my first and last text notification – good morning to a good night. Naturally, as things progressed, he would focus more on things that he was doing and his replies would take longer. Until one fateful day, I woke up to zero notifications from him. I instantly text him good morning, to see what’s up. He replies a few hours later with “hi sorry I was doing something” and I reply with a simple “it’s okay, I understand. How has your day been so far?”
If you guessed that he replied hours later again, you’re completely right. This went on for a week, and I realized I was left with the classic dilemma: what do I do when the person I’m interested in takes hours to reply?
The first thing we should do is be rational about it. She’s got other stuff on his plate too. A few possible reasons could be:
1. She’s busy
I read somewhere that women are more likely to be multi-taskers. This means that naturally, when she’s doing other things, she’s less likely to be on his phone and reply because she’s probably got a thousand things going on. You should consider the time that you text her. She could be at work or in class. She could also be elbows deep in a project she’s completely passionate about. Keep her schedule in mind, as you could be the one causing delays for things that are a bigger priority to be compared to her replying to your texts.
2. She’s probably asleep
Whether we admit to it or not, sleep gets the best of us at times. Especially for those who have been overworked and are stressed. If she replies hours later, there’s a big chance that she was cuddled up in bed and snoozing away. Not to mention, she could be on her period and huddled up in bed nursing her cramps with a hot compress.
3. She forgot/forgets to reply
I for one admit to being guilty of this. There are times wherein I read or open messages and as I read the message, I reply to it in my head but never really type anything on my phone to reply to said message. And minutes or hours later, the person I’m conversing with asks me if I am still there. It’s only then that I realize I did that and have to type out what I had initially thought I replied to their message.
This could be a one time thing, or in my case, a regular thing. Mistakes like this happen more often than one thinks.
4. She’s just not that into you
The truth hurts, and this one hurts like a bitch.
To find out if this is the scenario, you have to backread your messages to try and catch any telltale signs of her not being interested. Are you the one always initiating the conversation? Does she reply with one-word sentences? Has the “not replying for hours” thing been the case since forever?
The big question is: what should you do?
Call her to find out what’s up
If what you’re messaging her for is that important, there is no shame in calling her to see what’s up. Calling her would ensure that she picks up the phone and answers you directly. That is, if she’s able to.
I would only recommend doing this if you were texting her about a pressing matter. Again, as I mentioned earlier, you have to consider her schedule. She could be at work, in a meeting or in school. It wouldn’t make much sense to call her just to ask what’s up and why she’s not replying to your texts if you were literally talking to her about small, non-life-threatening things like air fryers and coffee tables.
Quite frankly, if you do call her under that pretense, it would make you look desperate and annoyingly needy.
Give her the benefit of the doubt
Don’t dive headfirst into the doubt carnival in your mind.
You have to remember that she is the person that you like talking to because of the fun, sometimes gruesome things that she does in life. Whatever she does or doesn’t do in her time directly affects her character, and you simply have to trust that she has her (and your) best interest in mind.
In relationships, whether or not you’re just starting out or you’ve been together for what feels like forever, trust is the foundation. You have to understand and trust that just because she isn’t replying, it doesn’t mean that she’s out galavanting and doing whatever. It is also important that you cement the fact that just because she takes a while to reply doesn’t mean you’re not important or you’re not a priority. Most of the time, it just means that there was something more pressing, more urgent that he needed to.
Just wait it out, he’s bound to respond!
Express your concern
I would recommend doing this if things were ok and then suddenly she pulls the “replies after x amount of hours” card on you. This conversation is best to have after experiencing being replied to after hours repeatedly.
In any relationship, communication is one compartment of the keystone in keeping your relationship strong and long lasting. Talking about lapses in communication should be an open topic for debate, in the right time and place, that is.
Open up the topic that you don’t feel okay with her not replying hours after you send messages to her. Be calm and rational when opening up this conversation. Avoid being accusatory or having malicious thoughts as to why she takes her time in replying, as it could lead to a big fight between the two of you. As much as possible, just sit and be calm, and ask her “I’ve noticed that you haven’t been as responsive to me as you were before. Is anything wrong?”
Remember that you want her to hear you out, thus the same thing should be expected from you. (Refer to number 2!)
Once you have aired out that concern, and she gives you an acceptable reason, both of you should decide on where to go from that point on. For every suggestion that you two have on bettering your communication in the relationship, you two should ask yourselves “is this fair for both of us, or is this self-serving?”
When all else fails, ditch her
Quitters aren’t always losers in my books. If we’re being honest, it’s a case to case basis. Sometimes, people walk away from situations because it simply doesn’t favor them anymore or they don’t get what they bargained for.
Get yourself a nice pot of tea, and bring an extra cup. I’m about to spill the tea on when to ditch her.
First thing’s first: if you’ve always been sitting around all day waiting for her to reply to you, what are you doing? Honey it’s time to face the facts. The tea is, she just isn’t that into you! There’s nothing to be ashamed of by a woman not seeing your worth. It’s more shameful to be waiting around for her to see you for the man that you are. This applies for when you guys just started chatting and for when you’ve been in a relationship for a while – and everything in between.
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But, if you’ve been in a relationship with her for a while and you’ve done all I have recommended, it’s probably best for both of you to walk away. It hurts to even acknowledge the fact that you have to do so, but perhaps with distance, your priorities (both yours and her’s) will be made clear and the decision of how both of you will choose to continue with your relationship will be an easier one to make.
Take that as a sign to walk away as a wiser man with his best foot forward, clad with your best pair of shoes, of course. Best thing to do to nurse the ugly truth: rebound sex. No matter how short or long your relationship lasted, pick up a clean shirt, your best fitting jeans, trendy sneakers, and style your hair to perfection and you will find yourself ready to find yourself a new chick.
Getting into relationships is like walking into a casino with a pocket full of chips. You bet, and you bet and you bet. As time passes, you lose a lot of the chips that you initially had. Not all bets are good bets. At some point, you just have to realize that some people are just luckier than you for that day. Because the truth is, even high-rollers in casinos know when and how to walk away from a losing streak.